Sagitta_155 x 94 cm_oil on canvas

“Sagitta”, 155 x 94 cm, oil on canvas, 2015.

I start with trivia:

  • Why don’t you have FB?  “I prefer own dreams when I sleep.”
  • You need FB, today everybody communicates like that.  “My closest friends don’t have it.”
  • If you don’t have FB you’re probably hiding something.  “I have my blog.”
  • FB is great for showing your art. “I have own web page.”
  • You are alone, join the FB so you’ll feel better. “The human being of today is not alone but very lonely. That’s because she/he is not living among the people but among screens.”

I did try, did my best. Couple of times I deactivated account and activated it again. But I cannot be what I’m not.

Very soon I’ll move into my own 4 falls. Within those walls are 4 more falls, my real atelier. I even have 2 small rose gardens. From these sentences you may paint a picture whatever you like.

Today I read few posts I’ve written in October 2013. They were about reinventing myself after almost dying at my personal ground zero. I never expected the reinvention process to be horribly painful and extremely solitary. The ‘demons’ haunted and followed me like a shadow. Yet somehow I knew, all that horror was just a fata morgana of one very suffering psyche, lonesome screams of a starving soul.

The most valuable teaching I acquired in my life, just three days after my grandpa’s death, was the deeper level of meditation.

Here, I want to share this: please, do not end your life, no matter what. No matter what. I must continue: please, don’t just survive but live fully and passionately. If you ask me how, I cannot tell you, it’s yours to discover it. It’s within you, it is there. I’m ‘telling’ you this solely from own life experiences, not books. Or else.

I can tell you, you can close your eyes and just breathe. I can also tell you, The path to deliverance starts with endless suffering.

I end with essential: a few quotes from favorite writer and book. My first time was at 11 years of age, Herman Hesse, “Siddhartha”

  • “I can think. I can wait. I can fast.” 
  • “I have had to experience so much stupidity, so many vices, so much error, so much nausea, disillusionment and sorrow, just in order to become a child again and begin anew.” 
  • “Not in his speech, not in his thoughts, I see his greatness, only in his actions, in his life.” 
  • “Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at anytime and be yourself.” “And here is a doctrine at which you will laugh. It seems to me, Govinda, that love is the most important thing in the world.” 
  • “Om is the bow, the arrow is soul” 
  • “Siddhartha stopped fighting his fate this very hour, and he stopped suffering.” 

Love, M.

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