heart of a lioness

Lions do not sleep in the jungle nor do they sleep at night > they are nocturnal animals.

I knew the greatest lioness. She was an amazing person and closest friend during my life in Vienna. I studied economics but she constantly repeated, “Martina, you should paint.” She was also fantastic doctor and for my 20th birthday bought me a book, human anatomy for artists:)

The great lioness went to sleep 9 years ago because her lioness heart grew too big for small world. I enrolled Academy of fine arts 4 months later. My 2nd solo exhibition in 2017. will be in her honor.

Rest in peace najdraža tetka Dragana❤

2016-03-13 12.31.27 (1)

witness, as witness

 

Planet oddity_120 x 90 cm_oil on canvas_2015

Planet oddity, 120 x 90 cm, oil on canvas, 2015.

” …such energy is created by destroying natural elements. this is crime against nature and one day would bring about catastrophe. the world is at crossroad right now. if we pass up this chance, we will forever be held accountable by future generations. the ionosphere…we simply put to use what already exists in nature in unlimited quantities.”  Nikola Tesla

“Fukushima”, 11.03.2011.

“Radiation as illumination”, 2011.

I was 8 at the time of  Chernobyl disaster.

I was 33 at the time of Fukushima disaster.

I can be 58 in 25 years.

Sagitta_155 x 94 cm_oil on canvas

“Sagitta”, 155 x 94 cm, oil on canvas, 2015.

I start with trivia:

  • Why don’t you have FB?  “I prefer own dreams when I sleep.”
  • You need FB, today everybody communicates like that.  “My closest friends don’t have it.”
  • If you don’t have FB you’re probably hiding something.  “I have my blog.”
  • FB is great for showing your art. “I have own web page.”
  • You are alone, join the FB so you’ll feel better. “The human being of today is not alone but very lonely. That’s because she/he is not living among the people but among screens.”

I did try, did my best. Couple of times I deactivated account and activated it again. But I cannot be what I’m not.

Very soon I’ll move into my own 4 falls. Within those walls are 4 more falls, my real atelier. I even have 2 small rose gardens. From these sentences you may paint a picture whatever you like.

Today I read few posts I’ve written in October 2013. They were about reinventing myself after almost dying at my personal ground zero. I never expected the reinvention process to be horribly painful and extremely solitary. The ‘demons’ haunted and followed me like a shadow. Yet somehow I knew, all that horror was just a fata morgana of one very suffering psyche, lonesome screams of a starving soul.

The most valuable teaching I acquired in my life, just three days after my grandpa’s death, was the deeper level of meditation.

Here, I want to share this: please, do not end your life, no matter what. No matter what. I must continue: please, don’t just survive but live fully and passionately. If you ask me how, I cannot tell you, it’s yours to discover it. It’s within you, it is there. I’m ‘telling’ you this solely from own life experiences, not books. Or else.

I can tell you, you can close your eyes and just breathe. I can also tell you, The path to deliverance starts with endless suffering.

I end with essential: a few quotes from favorite writer and book. My first time was at 11 years of age, Herman Hesse, “Siddhartha”

  • “I can think. I can wait. I can fast.” 
  • “I have had to experience so much stupidity, so many vices, so much error, so much nausea, disillusionment and sorrow, just in order to become a child again and begin anew.” 
  • “Not in his speech, not in his thoughts, I see his greatness, only in his actions, in his life.” 
  • “Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at anytime and be yourself.” “And here is a doctrine at which you will laugh. It seems to me, Govinda, that love is the most important thing in the world.” 
  • “Om is the bow, the arrow is soul” 
  • “Siddhartha stopped fighting his fate this very hour, and he stopped suffering.” 

Love, M.

hu, as homo universalis

“The diversity of the world cannot be overcome in a political system; whoever tried to do that only produced tyranny and misery. The richness of plurality and diversity will only be increased in the future. All the European and world organizations are not enough, and cannot be effective if not inspired by the universal spirit and consciousness nourished by science and art.”     Ivan Supek, 1995.