no words

tips for running coming soon 🙂

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2 dive for

I looked at the watch on comp expecting to be late when actually it’s not. i was drinking earlier with my b/friend. we met few years ago and instantly clicked which is often tough luck with women these days, most are married with kids or are just too busy. i don’t drink and she is a trained sommelier, knows wines etc. my favorite drink is water and i know that’s boring. that’s why i only drink if other person truly knows if it’s something good, also if the occasion is appropriate. today we started to drink coz she hit me with the news of her leaving to canada. she got the papers and was a bit surprised, i wasn’t. im happy for her and a bit sad coz im too facing a change sooner or later. we agreed not to blame croatia for leaving despite a cool job here, we decided to blame canada. what a relief…

we bought some good rose and bubbles with a turquoise label. she is a hedonist type and loves to eat good, it’s great to have a female friend that enjoys food like gourman. as time and glasses went by, we got to talk about love and 1st kiss. we met through my friend from school days, she did some wine business for him. funny part is that for a long time i considered him to be my first kiss. my 1st kiss should’ve worked out perfectly, be kind of magically weird, different with special someone. the false experience was just bljak but it got stuck. as we laughed about it, i decided to tell her about my real 1st kiss i remembered spontaneously many years later. often i wondered why i hide it from my consciousness and why that ‘ugly loop’ remined. now i know why.

my real 1st kiss was magical and i liked it a big time. it was a ripe soft colorfull gift for my virgin lips, 1st physical contact of an another kind. my personal wonder in time when there was nothing. as written previously, some persons cannot live without passion.

i wondered what i would be doing if i wouldn’t be doing what i’m doing now. my 1st kiss told me i look like a painter, to become an artist. his parents were architects, something i admired and aspired. so when i heard his words i got insecure coz i was sure he thinks i have no brain thus it’s better for me to paint. of course i was wrong. only many years later i realized there’s totally another world in the world in which me being sensible, creative, free is ok…writing too, and everything that comes with it. him being ‘honest’ opened me to myself first, someone i didn’t know it existed…well, yes i did know but that person was too shy to come out. he helped setting me free from plastic shell without maybe knowing it. or he’s just too smart to be shallow.

i don’t know about your reminiscences of 1st love, kiss. my was magical. wierd & different. if i wouldn’t be doing what i am doing now i wouldn’t be the same person answering this question so it all comes back to the beginning. we are all connected, some just a bit better. it all depends how deeply tuned you are in, if you really care. like to dive for.

talent resides in passion

I am developing digital skills on my own for couple of years. Sure there are tons of youtube tutorials, web pages that inspire and find it great that people love to share the thrill of creating. Everything comes down to you and passion to draw coz without training your hand, synchronizing it with your mind\brain no magic will happen. No sw can make up for that.
Most academic painters view digital art as inferior to ‘art on the wall’. Ok, there’re a lot of bad stuff in digital world, but looking what is sneaking in as contemporary art, i don’t see a big difference in that respect. Except, academic artist has a certificate proving artistic (in)abilities. There are just too many words in today’s paintings saying nothing. Digital art is anything but closed, personally cannot compare it. Maybe coz i don’t see a big difference when it comes to delivering an idea, it all depends on a medium. I am working on a project where i merge traditional and digital paintings, hopefully will apply that to other apps. That’s what digital art enables, to be applied and experienced differently, it’s evolving.
I don’t believe in talent without work. That’s just a sign of a lack of passion and without passion there is nothing, talent resides in passion. Nothing big and beautiful happens in a second. Bad stuff actually often, in a split of a second.
I always have desire for sketching live scenes, krokies…it kind of calibrates my visual mind for creating something later from my head, making my hand relax and free. i did few loose today with pencil.

lack of title


i am watching news on tv and saw something that spilled my cup. a protest against istanbul convention in split, croatia.

‘unfortunately’ i was born in dalmatia county, town of split, country of croatia. patriarchat is their mojo.

throughout my life, unfortunately i witnessed several cases of violence against women. these women were very close to me, some still are. while i was living in spain in andalucia, almost every week at least one women would be killed brutally. in majority of cases it was a case of domestic violence. safe houses are a tiny hope for human beings who want to escape violence in own home. only coz, at times, are physically inferior and cannot / dont know how to fight back. spain has still not improved. when i came back to croatia, it was really tough to see my friend colleague with bruised face. glasses didn’t help nor did the silence.

fyi, i rarely say this, being physically inferior when facing a combat is not cool. it’s scary.

it’s cold to only say every woman should escape violence immediately. what can you actually do if you have nowhere to go where it’s safe? + where there is no ‘normal’ law that it’s there to protect you & your children from the horror. i know situations from women i mentioned, the sick part is that as a friend you can do almost nothing. and now back to the beginning, in which who knows how many trolls are protesting against istanbul convention – “the strongest move that has ever been made to combat violence against women and girls globally” (2016).

the patriarchal climate is poisonous coz it’s an extreme example of a society system. i openly say when talking about violence against women the question of gender follows on its own. any man who was raised to be the future head of the house does not see a woman as an equal. and those women who marry that kind of person accepts inferior ‘position’ in a community made of 2. from an early age she accepted a more passive role. a passive role upbringing is easy to detect when there is an absence of healthy curiosity for discovering own potential, rather mimicking own mother. her decision making is not a reason not to have a framework that’ll help that woman if one day sees her life turned to nightmare. some countries are way ahead of us in terms of viewing human beings, island for example. and we all know how it was back in those old days.

anyway, what bugs me the most are women that are loudest in their protests against ratification. no further comment. ps.won’t involve jedi into this.

only with my permission

Tonight is my last night in my ex apartment. im happy that is ex coz it didn’t work out. other place is just right, feels right, also the bed is on the floor (yeah). new life start. no drama just bliss.

so actually i wanted to write a few words about hashtag me etc. but i’ve been moving all day long so I apologize if my sentences are not too elaborate. you will get the picture though.

*Violence against women is one of the most serious and ugliest crimes in the world. i do not relate it to hollywood hashtag me2.

as a woman (whatever that means) I had almost no problems with men (whatever that means). with women, a lot. discrimination, mobbing and else not to even mention. all my ex besties turn to worsties. Despite it all, wouldn’t it be plainly dumb to claim that woman attack other women in such & such occasion. it does happen, a lot. women are angry with reason. but they don’t know how to help themselves. also the world is dominated by male energy. it’s irony that women raise men and women marry them, ‘give’ them child… soo it takes two to tango.

women are great emprovers of others, but when it comes to themselves many of them are making the same ‘mistake’ for centuries. she willingly neglects the most aspects of herself, grace, sexuality, sensuality, creativity, strength.  i was attacked by professor at the academy, sorry at his atelier he wanted to show me. i got him strong by his balls so he froze. i gently asked him about his wife and children and how it would be unwise to tell anything about this to anyone. he agreed so i gently dragged him out of atelier holding his balls. The professor after that took a year off. cool of him and we are cool now. i didn’t report him coz hate to create life problems for kissing me without my permission. also he understood the situation in the atelier. i believe women should at first at least try to take care of themselves ‘internally’. It’s the change on an individual level of every woman that is necessary, not primarily as a pack. men see a pack of women as a threat and again there is this stupid tension in the world. bureaucracy can’t make men and women think and react, rather it makes everything numb.

the thing is, i don’t blame a man in this situations. i came to atelier, naivete, 2nd year at academy. but the moment he invaded my space without my permission i reacted. remember LeeLoo from 5th element. exactly. It’s automatic. many people watch movies yet very few chose to be a main actor in own movie.

i wish women would become more gentle and charming. more sensual and quiet. not quiet in sense of acting wise by not talking. i mean quiet. also i wish women would become less jealous of other women and be more friendlier. i also wish women would leave men to be men (whatever that means). they are being over domesticated with no apparel reason. they love it, check ikea or any other shopping centre. i also wish men could feel free to feel more coz they do. i use to say that men are more sensitive than women, a few years ago scientific study showed that.

i also wish to go to sleep so i wish you a good night.