hate as happier than ever

i was with my good friend, best friend. she told me billie has a new album and i didn’t know about it. i thought this was a good reason to write a new post.

actually the topic was not Billie at all.

few years ago I wrote a post. I’m 43 now and no, I don’t regret it.

I was talking recently with some group of people, males predominantly. some of them went to ‘school’ to become priests but decided to come out of it. the ‘knowledge’ they have is huge and limiting. they simply became institutionalized aka very badly brain washed.

I tired to explained them what it means for a woman to have a basic human right. The right to be free from mere injustice and pathologically confied roles disguised as social norms women were subjected to for centuries. richard dawkins wrote the book on selfish gene. We all carry past in our genes. following this train of thought, I always felt the burden of our female ancestors. what would our grand grand grand mothers say if they could saw what future brings for a female. what would they say if they could saw that their life is not determined by others already at birth? That there is a possibility of freedom at least in a financial sense.

premise that woman’s worst enemy is an another woman is still both right & wrong. living like puppets for centuries, women became institutionalized. They act like prisoners, constantly looking suspicious and ‘fearing’ others. And if they’re granted with freedom, they don’t know what to do with it. Analogy with The Shawshank Redemption. Another analogy i like to use are birds vs chickens. Some women fly graciously while others sit on eggs, pick served food, never leaving their chicken house. Flying is tough, it requires a lot of energy for saying no to gravity.

I never believed in a marriage. if any of you knew the history of marriage anyone sane would run from it. I was asked a long time ago, “well don’t you want to be married in a white gown?”..it was a such a stupid question, I refrained from answering it..

the thing is, for centuries women didn’t know anything about creativity or education. being a mother was the ultimate goal for most of them. majority went blindly with that premise. some women that I meet today find hard to believe how I live. men on the other hand are in awe coz i’m happy, relaxed, I even look much younger then most of them. yes, i’m currently ‘alone’, so what?

i had a chance for ultimate love fairytale but it all went sour. Courage in movies is one thing, courage in reality is another. after winning oscar for a role in that reality, i became free.

when somebody asks me “so, how’re you gonna live if you end up alone, who’s gonna take care of you when you get old?” I reply, “I don’t know, who cares?”.

Western civilization is run by fear. Zen knows nothing about fear. Art and creativity also. We are all here for a such a brief amount of time and it makes no sense to make any fuss about it. There’s too much beauty in this world / dimension.

This post is dedicated to all my dear grand, grand, grand, grand, grand…mothers. Rest in peace ❤