d, as danica

I don’t like this day. Honestly, hate it. And one must not hate. Calling it; ‘mio capriccio de odio’.

On this day moja baba* died. She was my mum and I was ‘only’ 21. I know life is not fair and her sudden, ‘unfair’ death made me question life even more. Moja baba was always healthy and strong like a bull (even in zodiac she was a taurus). Shortly before her death I almost lost a kidney due to insufficient fluid intake after running. She always worried about my kidneys; it was her ‘capriccio’ to always remind me to pay attention to kidneys. After 3 weeks I got better while she suddenly got sick and died 3 weeks later. I wasn’t at the funeral cause I couldn’t bare it. But I could bare being with her in the hospital, massaging her, washing her, talking and making plans about our garden etc. Her hospital room was no. 36.  Now, whenever I hear someone talking that at 35-36 km of a marathon one gets a crises I put a ‘smile’ on; somehow I remembered that perverse number and there’s no way that I’ll get a f… crises. Still, if it occurs, moja baba will help me.

She taught me many, many things. Extremely wise, down to earth, simple person. Loved to talk a lot and made people laugh as true stand-up comedian. Had a thing for inventing new words or phrases that made weird sense. She was a professional cook so I learned everything from her. She was also a great gardener and we never had to go to supermarket for vegetables or fruits. Working with earth, plants, flowers, vegetables was her zen moment that seduced me already as a small kid. My wish is to have own garden one day.

But the most, most important: she was my only solace and anchor for simple wild child soul. She would protect me from mother, brother, grandpa, father…in short, any version of a ‘stupidity’. Thought me to look at life with ease whenever is possible and not to worry much about things that are in essence irrelevant. Only thing that she constantly repeated was ‘pamet u glavu’** and everything will be ok.

Today I really tried not to think about this day. I took my dog to veterinarian’s clinic for a small procedure and everything went well. He doesn’t need an additional operation. But during my evening training, the evening star Danica shined so brightly; tough it was cloudy, she was peeking through, watching me.

This is her favorite song. I used to play it for her on the piano and she would sing.

I love&miss my Danica. Always will.

– – – –

*   eng. my granny

** eng. be smart / use your brain

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