lovely sunny morning


since i was a small kid i always searched for something deeper. didn’t know how to name it then, now i can name it the meaning. at the age of 5 i was fascinated by the fact that i cannot remember my birth. i couldn’t understand why since i was still young, unlike older persons that tend to forget a lot of things. well this completely perplexed me at that time. no one had an answer other than a comment ‘what are you talking about dear child?’.  i wondered, if i don’t remember situations like being born, then it seems as if that has never happened. i was also curious to know if i’ll remember anything of this. clearly i do but that’s not the point of this post.

the point is: it’s very bad when brain decides to hide most important parts of you life. parts that formed you and that are crucial for emotional and psychic stability. (un)fortunately i experienced own mental void in a recent horrific part of my life: the vast, universe like emptiness was suffocating. now i realize: if important memories are hidden from a conscious mind, in case there’s a perfect trigger they will start to influence your persona like a laser. this unconscious memory activity i find to be the most honest there is. it navigates you through thick and thin and when approaching the harbour, the memories suddenly jump in from unconsciousness into consciousness. you witness every piece of your life finally taking its place. as if after a long period of chaos a new level of order is naturally settling in. it’s important to note: bringing memories from unconscious to conscious is not easy and usually not in own power, the perfect trigger is necessary.  i was lucky enough to have the best person near me, who didn’t push me or laughed at me or called me bad names coz i dont’ remember. patience is necessary as well as love. of course.

during my universe like emptiness i was ‘in love’ with Viktor Frankl and now his quotes make more sense than ever:

– Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time

An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.

– Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.

– Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

– Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.

– When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.


– What is to give light must endure burning.

Here is Viktor Frankl’s book, audio ‘Man’s search for meaning‘ or if you prefer reading it in pdf (my case)

This book and Running with wolves ‘saved’ me. In it Frankl also states:

” is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized. Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize these potentialities. By making him aware of what he can be and of what he should become, he makes these potentialities come true.”  

I wish you all pleasant evening and relaxing weekend. In next post i’ll write about Pilates,

ps. Remember Town of Vukovar

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