2 dive for

I looked at the watch on comp expecting to be late when actually it’s not. i was drinking earlier with my b/friend. we met few years ago and instantly clicked which is often tough luck with women these days, most are married with kids or are just too busy. i don’t drink and she is a trained sommelier, knows wines etc. my favorite drink is water and i know that’s boring. that’s why i only drink if other person truly knows if it’s something good, also if the occasion is appropriate. today we started to drink coz she hit me with the news of her leaving to canada. she got the papers and was a bit surprised, i wasn’t. im happy for her and a bit sad coz im too facing a change sooner or later. we agreed not to blame croatia for leaving despite a cool job here, we decided to blame canada. what a relief…

we bought some good rose and bubbles with a turquoise label. she is a hedonist type and loves to eat good, it’s great to have a female friend that enjoys food like gourman. as time and glasses went by, we got to talk about love and 1st kiss. we met through my friend from school days, she did some wine business for him. funny part is that for a long time i considered him to be my first kiss. my 1st kiss should’ve worked out perfectly, be kind of magically weird, different with special someone. the false experience was just bljak but it got stuck. as we laughed about it, i decided to tell her about my real 1st kiss i remembered spontaneously many years later. often i wondered why i hide it from my consciousness and why that ‘ugly loop’ remined. now i know why.

my real 1st kiss was magical and i liked it a big time. it was a ripe soft colorfull gift for my virgin lips, 1st physical contact of an another kind. my personal wonder in time when there was nothing. as written previously, some persons cannot live without passion.

i wondered what i would be doing if i wouldn’t be doing what i’m doing now. my 1st kiss told me i look like a painter, to become an artist. his parents were architects, something i admired and aspired. so when i heard his words i got insecure coz i was sure he thinks i have no brain thus it’s better for me to paint. of course i was wrong. only many years later i realized there’s totally another world in the world in which me being sensible, creative, free is ok…writing too, and everything that comes with it. him being ‘honest’ opened me to myself first, someone i didn’t know it existed…well, yes i did know but that person was too shy to come out. he helped setting me free from plastic shell without maybe knowing it. or he’s just too smart to be shallow.

i don’t know about your reminiscences of 1st love, kiss. my was magical. wierd & different. if i wouldn’t be doing what i am doing now i wouldn’t be the same person answering this question so it all comes back to the beginning. we are all connected, some just a bit better. it all depends how deeply tuned you are in, if you really care. like to dive for.

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