t, as (t)raining

It’s raining dramatically and peacefully today. After too much sun I find rain to be very soothing . Like a soft massage to my soul.

Today is exactly 2 weeks after I started training for the marathon. Since the 2nd of October I ran in total 42.66 km, including 5 days break in between. Few days ago I got trainer Goran as additional help. He has drawn a weekly training program that includes 1 heavy training (yasso or tempo), 3 light trainings (12-18km) and weekend’s long steady runs. I have to keep track of my running time and improve it slowly. There’s no point me ending like Pheidippides.

I didn’t know that my trainer is brother of Mladen Matičević‘s wife. But more importantly, what I didn’t know is that his best friend committed suicide two months ago. Few friends gently warned me about his ‘sad state’. I never like to pity another person. I find it degrading. So while we’re talking about me running a marathon, why and what it means to me, I mentioned my 2 clinical deaths and a basket of oranges that saved my life when I was 7; I landed straight into it from 5 m high. Later he offered me an orange, said he’ll help me to train and connect me with two other marathon men from Makarska: “It’s easier to run when you’re with others Martina.”

I’m a painter. But in ‘artistic world’ of today, there is no sincerity. There’s no fair play. There are politics, marketing, agents, critics, money washing and imperative of who knows who and how good you’re at lying. Aleksandar Srnec once said “The moment you sell yourself, your art has gone to hell.”

I’ve found my way to escape that ugly, artificial world. I paint. I make exhibitions. I sell paintings to persons who really like them and want them to have. I’m a proof that agents, critics and other walls that are still surrounding a vast majority of ‘artists’ can be climbed over. Instant popularity doesn’t interest me. A person is becoming a painter whole her/his life. And maybe, just maybe, at the end of her/his life, that person might become an artist as well.

Sport is a fair play: it all comes down to your abilities & will to train. Everything is pretty much straight forward. There are no biased critiques “we say you can’t compete because we don’t like the style of your running shoes.” And when the day of a competition comes, you try to be best as you can.

And that’s why I like sport as the opposite to my painting.

The same I like rain as the opposite to sun.

v, as voices

c, as cash it

m, as marathon

I’m currently reading Haruki Murakami’s “What do I talk when I talk about running”.

Long before this book Haruki (from Japanese haru – sun, ki – radiance, shine) became my favorite writer. But this particular book bought me, literally. I’m a long distance runner for almost 20 years. Now this number 20 looks so big when I type it, but as long as I can remember, I almost never walked but run. As a tiny girl I would run to my friend’s house, run to the supermarket, run to take out the garbage, run just about anywhere as fast as I could. And in the world of that little girl, all people would run instead of walk.

Back then I already knew why I loved running; it was the only feeling close enough to the feeling of flying. Only decades after I read somewhere that when a person runs, there’s a moment when both feet are not touching the ground. You are ‘up’!

I was constantly being asked why do I run. I never gave away the answer. Me running, well…let’s put it simply and say it was saving my life & keeping me alive. That’s why I never even thought to compete or to be a professional runner > me running alone was too intimate, like breathing.

Recently something happened to me that opened my running and I finally want to share my running with others.

My utmost dream was to run a marathon, 42 km. Maybe I would run for all those who cannot. I would run for the poor, for the sick, for all kids that are abused and kids that are lost. I would run to fight all the injustice in this world. Particularly, I would run for all those women who never had a chance to start a life; who were treated like slaves, raped, molested, mistreated by own families, society, religion. I would run for love and human will to survive in any condition. Or maybe, I would just run.

My marathon training started abruptly on windy Wednesday, 02nd of October 2013. I’ve just arrived from Zagreb to Makarska around 18:15h. Mum was there helping me with my baggage and I told her: I’ll run a marathon. Even though she always worried about me running (cause ‘I’m skinny’) this time she said nothing except, ‘run’.

I ran on that windy Wednesday for 45 min. 30 min on Thursday. 60 min on Friday. Saturday was a break. Today is Sunday and I go for running later in the evening. I still don’t have running watch, but tomorrow I’ll get one. Marathon is not for hobby runners.

Back to Haruki’s book. In one of his first chapters he writes: “The pain is inevitable. Suffering is a question of choice.” My whole past life fits in these two sentences. Reading them,typed on a paper in my Haruki’s book, made my choice & decision strong as a Titan. I’ll run 42 km.

economy of 4th reich

I don’t like Angie. Never did. Same is with Obama, Cameron, Putin and others former and future VIPs (short for very insane politicians).

Nothing comes good when one country or a person is granted ‘the big’ power. Now in 21st c., the paradox of democracy lives fully: the rule of minority over majority is the law. Cause in a human’s term of ‘antagonistic’ dualism, for what can you opt instead, an anarchy? Quantum physics probably holds the answer. But for now, sadly, human evolution & loveution still have a very long way to go.

Angie and her right christian democratic buddies won for the 3rd time and after 60 years liberals didn’t manage to enter the parliament. In this ‘democratic’ process of voting, each individual freely gave the power to his/her politicians. And they all hope that that particular political choice is surely the best deal for her/his family; they’ll continue to provide jobs and safe future for the working class.

On the other hand, rich people don’t vote. They get richer.

As expected, Berlin became Washington’s true best friend. And as in a some kind of surreal nightmare, history’s repeating: Germany is becoming economical 4th Reich and german capitalism will soon surpass the horror of the american one. These days an old infamous motto“arbeit macht frei” rings some perverse bells in the EU.

Let me conclude this tiring post with a politician’s mantra: “we take our values and turn them into your laws”